Our favorite Dutch lingerie model, the veteran hot MILFtastic Sylvie Meis celebrated the launch of her new signature Spring lingerie line for Hunkemoeller by taking a bunch of selfies style candids in her black lacy bits of stockings and panties. As far as sales pitches go, I’d have to put this right near the top. Hmm, hot dutch blonde in silky nothings smiling and playing for the camera. Yep, I’ve determined I don’t care what she’s selling, I’m buying, in bulk.
Sylvie became single from the dude who divorced her because she couldn’t give him any more offspring after her cancer survival. Seems a bit shallow. Even more shallow than my below the belt spring has sprung affection for Sylvie and that ridiculously hot body of hers. I often reveal my desire to make many babies with the world’s most sextastic celebrities. With Sylvie, I could settle for the non-reproducing endless days of making the sexy. I would allow this. Enjoy.
When I first heard the news that director Sam Taylor-Johnson was leaving the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, I assumed it was because the Fifty Shades of Grey sucks.
Turns out I was right. But not in the way I expected.
In her official statement to Deadline, Taylor-Johnson said directing Fifty Shades has been an incredible journey, that she’s extremely grateful, that she made lots of swell friends, yada yada yada.
Then she said, “While I will not be returning to direct the sequels, I wish nothing but success to whosoever takes on the exciting challenges of films two and three." And that’s the best part. Because what Sam Taylor-Johnson is really saying here, I think, is good f–king luck dealing with E.L. James!
E.L. James, of course, is the the author of the Fifty Shades trilogy. Universal gave her an unprecedented level of creative control over the film adaptations for a first-time author who, just five short years ago, was writing Twilight fan fiction inspired by her own Robert Patterson fantasies. (No, really.) Word on the street is James used her creative control to make changes that ensured fans of her books would like the movies, which really cramped Sam Taylor-Johnson’s style.
So now Taylor-Johnson is gone. Not that it really matters. The sequels were always going to be terrible anyway.
Amber Rose is pretty much in a category of her own this week on social media. Really the past several weeks were she seems to be working out a lot of angst and romantic competitions by way of baring as much of her body as possible without being disbarred. She rather topped herself this week with barely covered full nudes at the beach. Not even a thong visible deep in the curvaceous tunnels known as Roseville. Job well done, Amber. Whatever it is your seeking to accomplish, may you never quite find it. This is simply too good.
Joining Amber in the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup this week are Kylie Jenner blossoming in a bikini, Coco Austin with impossible amounts of bare oiled down skin, Sara Sampaio barely covered funbags, Nicki Minaj asstastic up, Kelly Brook workout cleavetastic, and much much more. You owe it to the Gods of Spring Break to check out each and every one of these crazy hot social media sextastic skin shares. They are individually sound, as a set, they are explosive. Enjoy.
Kendall Jenner is the new face of Calvin Klein. It seems like they make such a pick every couple of weeks to make a headline with the latest hottie hot in the news young model. I could be wrong. It’s happened before. What is purely right is snatching up the burning bright young model light that is Kendall Jenner for any project you might have available. She’s not Craigslist cheap mind you, these gigs come with one hefty price tag, but she seems to be able to sell in the millions of units of whatever she’s selling. In this case I guess, underwear and jeans. Or maybe just sex.
Kendall Jenner’s rise to fame was anything but unexpected, given she became a mini-star in middle school on her family’s reality show. Also because her mom sold her soul to at least three devils to ensure her progeny would be the leading ladies of pimpdom upon their maturation, or just by sixteen. Say what you will about bargains, this one worked. And say what you will about Kendall Jenner, I wouldn’t throw her out of bed for eating my undershorts. She’s worth the money. For CK I mean. Not Uncle Bill. Enjoy.
Solo shoes. I accept that as an acceptable level of wardrobe for sweet sultry Latina model Isabella Obregon posing for the skin loving good folks at Soho magazine down Colombiana way. This very basic model set, including boots only, certainly brings out the best and the boobtastic in Isabella, who can carry a photoshoot with just the tools the Good Lord lent her.
As I make my plans for my next road trip down the Pan-American highway, don’t think I’m not circling on the map the location of all the finest ladies in South America. If I can’t be personally turned down or slapped or beat up by at least 100 of Sudamericana’s hottest women’s brothers, I will not consider it a successful trip. Isabella Obregon, expect a knock on your door. I come in peace. Please tell your brother to hit me in the gut, my face is my livelihood. Enjoy.
Thank the heaven’s for wicked hot Hungarians. I do all the time, including on your behalf. So don’t worry. You’re covered. And the results of our joint well wishes are along the splendid lines of supermodel Eniko Mihalik flashing her bare nips in Numero Magazine to celebrate the general fecundity of spring. I’m feeling particularly fecund myself leering at Eniko’s bare goodies.
All the great models bare their souls and hot bodies on the pages of magazines. It’s just one of those standards that the world has come to expect. Not so much in the U.S., but in Europe, Latin America, they accept the non-ironic position that if you’re going to make a living off your body, it sort of belongs just a bit to the public. I like that theory. No, I love that theory, almost as much as I do Eniko’s fine female form in that pulled up sweater. Oh, my. Mommy, hold me. Enjoy.
There is much competition for hot body reveals among today’s leading young hot pop stars. Don’t think they aren’t checking out the various levels of exhibitionism put on by their friends, maybe, but definitely their peers and cohorts and even competitors for eyeballs and ticket sales. Miley and Rihanna really raised the bar to a new level a few short years ago and ever since, well, wow, it’s been a renaissance of skin reveals from the girls who sing the favorite songs of girls and young men trying to get with those girls.
Hence, when Rita Ora gets an invite to see Charli XCX in concert in London, you know she’s not going in sweats and a hoodie. Oh, no, my friend. There will be no undergarments involved. And if we’re lucky, as we were last night, the clothes will be see-through as well, providing the perfect peep at Rita’s blessedly hot teats under her barest of tops. Chilly London evenings be damned, these puppies need to come out and play. Consider this a sextastic peekaboo shot across the bow. The most revealing pop star title isn’t ever handed out, it’s merely a never ending game. Thankfully so. Enjoy.
The Japanese have a term, kusoge. This doesn't mean 'creepy porn with women in diapers' or 'creepy panty-vending machines' (obviously, we know what these horny horn-dogs are like and we salute them for it). It roughly translates to ‘shitty game’.
Among the most notorious kusoge you'll find up Satan's asshole is Shaq Fu. As we know, celebrities will do all kinds of dumbass things in the name of cashtastic (nope, I'll never stop bringing up Hulk Hogan's 1985 Honey Nut Cheerios commercial, possibly the worst thing in the history of the world), but this effort from Shaquille O'Neal is right up there.
In the nineties, Shaq was the kind of unstoppable renegade badass you didn't eff with. From getting his basketball on to… y'know, everything else this guy was so great at, his talents were endless. Shaq Fu was originally planned as a rap album, of all things, and it was a sad day when O'Neal changed direction and denied the world what would surely have been a festival of phat beats and craptacular raptacular.
The Shaq Fu he eventually did assault the world with was a 2d fighter for the SNES and Genesis. Released in 1994, it starred the basketball star himself, dicking about in a martial arts dojo for some reason. While there, he's transported to an alternate dimension, where he must battle the evil mummy Sett-Ra to save a little dude name Nezu. Because that's what happens when you write video game plots in a spare two minutes while taking a dump.
This whole sad affair was born out of the era's edgy coolness. As hardcoregaming101 reports, 'Shaq Fu had to be edgy, but not too dark and violent. Mortal Kombat was banned in some places, and that was a mistake Shaq Fu tried not to make. Shaq Fu does contain small amounts of blood, but it only comes up if you put the blood code on. There are also no fatalities in Shaq Fu, once again, so that the game would not get banned.'
So, a half-assed Mortal Kombat-lite featuring basketball legends beating on ancient sorcerers and mummies. Still with me so far?
The combat itself is kind of wank, as the swear-infused gameplay below demonstrates. The plot makes absolutely no semblance of sense at at all. We're deep in WTF territory here, and no mistake. But as for its suckitude, that seems to be up for debate.
On the one hand, a dedicated band of Shaq Fuers seem sworn to defend the game from its many detractors, insisting that it's much, much better than its terrible reputation suggests. On the other, shaqfu.com is a site dedicated to gathering as many copies of the game as they can and destroy them, thus liberating the world from their evil. They mean business, too.
Christina Milian and her boobtastic of glory is back in full force. I don’t know if it’s related to promoting her reality show which has to be one of the best four hundred reality shows on TV, or just a couple years now past baby, but Christina Milian seems to determined to get her heavenly bodily treats back into the discussion of most passion inducing.
Christina’s latest and greatest exhibitionist cleavetastic efforts appear in Latina magazine, where she appears both MILFtastic dainty and funbag fully equipped. Many a man has steered his ship into the shore thinking of Christina Milian in the past. If she’s coming out of her shell once more, expect those rocky shores to be cluttered with spent vessels once more. She really does have a tremendous amount of natural Latina lust inducing skills. Enjoy.
The bikini Angela Simmonswore out onto the beach in Miami seemed perfectly suited for a 4th of July celebration. But given we’re still in March, I’ll just assume Angela is super patriotic year round, that or she knew this red, white, and blue stars two piece flattered her curvaceous body and that asstastic ever so perfectly. Not a covering of material so much as a cradling of material that flashed her twin cheeks of chewy goodness without having to go full thong.
Angela routinely amazes and astounds our ogling sensibilities every time she steps out in a bikini that seems structured, yet impossibly too small for her big girl body. It’s the kind of sight that almost makes me wish I had paid attention in school so I can explain it with science. But what I lack in formal understanding, I try to make up for with sheer passion and fandom. And I am currently giving Angela Simmons four stars and a standing ovation for her cheeky cheeky bum bum efforts on the beach. Enjoy.
Do you remember French actress Virginie Ledoyen. Well, if you saw her fifteen years ago in The Beach with that lucky bastard Leo DiCaprio you certainly were immediately smitten. And now you may lust again as you witness the now late 30-something Virginie in some of her finest work yet, topless for Lui Magazine, because Lui is French for, we care about funbags too, and, yes, they certainly most definitely do.
Virginie has that classic hot Parisian urban girl in lingerie going on. Not to mention a smoking hot body. And probably smoking too. If you’ve ever had a fantasy of meeting a mysterious woman on the Paris metro for an interlude of memorably naughty proportions, this pictorial will probably feed your frenzy nicely. This entire trend of veteran hot actresses getting into the revealing photo shoots slightly later in their careers is going to be the death of me. The happy happy death. Enjoy.
I don’t know exactly. But EgoReader ‘Jeremy’ asked me so I’m asking you. A couple years ago Jenna Miles burst onto the YouTube/Social Media heartbreaking scene with numerous crazy hot brunette sweetheart covered topless pictorials and visual displays of wonderment. Websites, tumblr accounts, all the works. Then, poof. It was like lightning in a bottle. I hope the reasons for her absence are of the administrative or casual decision nature only. But I offered to help out Jeremy in his quest. I mean, just look at Jenna Miles.
Egotastic! team of human bloodhounds with excessively sensitive senses when it comes to hot women — engage!
Brazilian professional hot person Hethielly Beck put on a tiny colorful bikini to shill expensive agua for 138 water. Her ample bosoms could barely be contained by the mere fabric of her bikini top. The result is a whole lot of awesome sideboob and cleav for your eyeballs to behold. She’s got a righteous pair of ta-tas, as an 80′s surfer bra might have said. But it’s not just her boobage that’s amazeballs. Just look at the thigh gap between those long lovely legs. You could drive a friggin’ truck through that thigh gap. She’s in ridiculously good shape too. Some models are too thin and boney and look unhealthy, but Hethielly is all toned and lovely. I’d like to give her a workout.
Sure, it would last three minutes tops, but it’s the intensity of the workout not the length of time it takes to do it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Sexy vixen Suki Waterhouse showed off her considerable assets in these behind the scenes shots for her spread in GQ. Suki has some serious bazumbas and they look fantastic in a plain white t-shirt or bikini top. They are versatile that way. They look particularly good in a shirt if there is no bra underneath. Then you get some serious nip poppin’ action. But the best pics are the one with her in a revealing red shirt in which you get a nice view of her luscious sideboob. The gods created sideboobage of that magnitude that we may marvel at their tit-anic powers. All of these pics also feature her long luxurious legs as well. What I wouldn’t give to have those badboys wrapped around me in the morning.
And maybe I can get my wish. She’s newly single and nursing a broken heart only Papa J can fix.
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